Why Saying “I’m Fine” Is Keeping You Stuck in Survival Mode
We’ve all done it. Someone asks, “How are you going?” and the response is automatic: “I’m fine.” It’s quick, safe, and shields us from having to explain what’s really happening inside. But over time, this tiny phrase can become more than just a social nicety — it can trap you in survival mode, making it harder to move towards genuine healing.
The Hidden Cost of “I’m Fine”
When you say “I’m fine”, you’re often doing one of three things:
Avoiding vulnerability: It feels safer to hide the struggle than risk judgement.
Protecting others: You don’t want to burden people with your pain.
Avoiding self-confrontation: Admitting the truth out loud makes it real.
While these strategies might keep you afloat short-term, they reinforce a cycle of silence. That cycle is what keeps you in survival mode rather than allowing you to feel supported and understood.
Survival Mode vs. Living Fully
Survival mode isn’t just about pushing through a crisis. It can become a constant state where your nervous system is stuck in fight, flight, or freeze. Signs you may be living in survival mode include:
Numbness or disconnection from your feelings.
A sense of constant overwhelm.
Difficulty enjoying things you once loved.
Saying “yes” to everyone else’s needs but neglecting your own.
Living fully, on the other hand, means moving towards connection, presence, and the capacity to engage with both the highs and lows of life.
Breaking the Cycle of “I’m Fine”
Moving out of survival mode often begins with language. Try these shifts:
Notice when you say it
Pay attention to moments you default to “I’m fine.” Awareness is the first step towards change.Experiment with honesty
You don’t need to pour out everything, but even a phrase like “It’s been a tough week” can feel freeing.Find safe people to practise with
Share with someone you trust — a friend, a counsellor, or even writing it in a journal first.Give yourself permission to not be fine
Being human means you won’t always be okay, and that’s not a flaw. It’s part of the experience.
Moving Towards Support
Counselling can provide a safe place to move beyond survival mode. If you’re finding yourself stuck in silence, you might want to explore:
Anxiety Counselling to gently unpack the constant “on edge” feeling.
Depression Counselling if numbing, spirals, or exhaustion are weighing you down.
Relationship Counselling if your “I’m fine” responses are creating distance from the people closest to you.
Finding Help to Move Out of Survival Mode
Saying “I’m fine” may feel easier in the moment, but every time you silence your truth, you reinforce the walls around your pain. By allowing yourself small acts of honesty, you take steps out of survival mode and into a life that feels fuller, more connected, and genuinely yours.
If you feel like you could benefit from counselling, contact Sami or book a session using the button below.
