Caring for a Loved One with Dementia: Managing the Emotional Toll
Watching someone you love fade into confusion, memory loss, or mood swings is one of the most emotionally taxing experiences a person can go through. Dementia doesn’t just affect the individual - it affects everyone around them, particularly those who take on the role of carer.
At The Counselher, we work with many carers navigating the silent burnout, grief, and identity shifts that come with supporting someone through cognitive decline. If you're reading this and nodding along, know that you're not alone - and what you're feeling is completely valid.
What Makes Dementia Care Emotionally Unique?
Caring for someone with a physical illness can be exhausting. But dementia adds another layer - psychological complexity. Why?
The person you love seems to disappear slowly, even though they’re still physically present.
Conversations become difficult, repetitive, or nonsensical.
Your loved one might not recognise you, or may lash out unpredictably.
Roles reverse: You become the parent, the decision-maker, the keeper of their history.
There's often no clear endpoint, and no “getting better.”
This ongoing, ambiguous loss can make it hard to grieve, process, or even articulate what you’re going through.
Common Emotional Experiences of Dementia Carers
Everyone’s journey is different, but many carers report feeling:
1. Chronic Grief
You're mourning someone who is still alive. This is called “ambiguous loss,” and it’s a very real psychological phenomenon.
2. Guilt
You might feel guilty for being frustrated, impatient, or even for needing a break. You may also feel guilt when considering residential care, even if it’s necessary.
3. Resentment
When all the emotional (and often physical) labour falls on your shoulders, resentment can build - especially if other family members aren’t as involved.
4. Isolation
Your social world can shrink as outings become harder and friends withdraw. It’s common to feel like no one truly understands what you're going through.
5. Burnout
Caring for someone 24/7 without enough support can lead to exhaustion, sleep issues, anxiety or physical illness.
Signs You Might Be Reaching Emotional Overload
You may be so focused on your loved one’s needs that you’ve stopped checking in with yourself. Here are signs it might be time to seek support:
You're crying more than usual or feeling numb
You feel constantly irritable or on edge
You fantasise about “escaping”
You’ve lost interest in hobbies or socialising
You feel like you’re on autopilot
You’ve stopped taking care of your own health
You feel hopeless or helpless
Remember, these are signs of emotional strain - not signs of weakness.
What Helps: Emotional Strategies for Carers
There’s no “fix” for the pain of watching a loved one decline. But there are ways to lighten the emotional load and reclaim some control.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings Without Judgement
Anger, sadness, relief, guilt - none of these make you a bad person. They're natural responses to a difficult, complex situation.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Rest
You are not superhuman. Breaks aren’t a luxury - they’re a necessity. Even 15 minutes alone can reset your nervous system.
3. Set Boundaries With Others
You can’t pour from an empty cup. It’s okay to say no to additional responsibilities or ask family members to step up.
4. Separate the Illness From the Person
When your loved one lashes out or forgets your name, it’s the dementia talking - not them. Try not to take it personally.
5. Connect With Others in Similar Situations
Whether through a support group, online forum or therapy, sharing your experience with others who “get it” can be incredibly validating.
Professional Support Can Help You Hold Both: Love and Limits
Therapy offers a space to be honest - really honest - without fear of judgement. A space to say the things you can't say to friends or family. A place to cry, rage, reflect, or just breathe.
At The Counselher, we help carers:
Process complicated emotions like anticipatory grief and guilt
Set healthy emotional and practical boundaries
Explore options for sustainable care
Reconnect with parts of themselves that feel lost in the role of “carer”
We don’t offer quick fixes. But we do offer support, compassion, and strategies for staying emotionally afloat - even when the waves are relentless.
Finding Help for Carers
It's easy to forget that while your loved one is going through something difficult, so are you. You might be holding it all together on the outside - but internally, you’re carrying a massive emotional weight.
You don’t have to carry it alone.
Whether you're months into the care journey or have just received a diagnosis, it’s never too early - or too late - to seek support.
If you feel like you could benefit from counselling, contact Sami or book a session using the button below.
