The Anxiety of Waiting: Why Uncertainty Feels So Unbearable

There’s a particular kind of anxiety that doesn’t come from what’s happening — it comes from what might happen. Waiting for medical results. Waiting to hear back about a job. Waiting for a message. Waiting for a decision that isn’t fully in your control. Even waiting for a difficult conversation you know is coming.

In these in-between moments, anxiety can intensify in ways that feel disproportionate to the situation. Your mind runs ahead. Your body feels tense. You replay possible outcomes. You imagine worst-case scenarios. You check your phone more often than you want to admit.

Logically, you may know there’s nothing you can do to speed things up. Emotionally, however, waiting can feel almost intolerable.

Understanding why uncertainty triggers such strong reactions can help reduce self-judgement and create a steadier way of coping.

Why Uncertainty Feels Threatening

Human beings are wired to seek predictability. When you know what’s coming, your nervous system can relax. You can plan, prepare, and feel a sense of control.

Uncertainty disrupts that stability. When the outcome is unknown, the brain tends to fill the gap with possibility — and unfortunately, it often leans towards the negative. This isn’t pessimism; it’s protection. The brain’s job is to anticipate risk, not comfort.

When you’re waiting, your system can interpret the unknown as potential danger. That might show up as:

• Restlessness or irritability

• Difficulty concentrating

• Sleep disturbances

• A racing or looping mind

• Physical tension in the shoulders, chest, or stomach

You’re not “overreacting.” Your nervous system is responding to ambiguity as if it needs to stay alert.

The Illusion of Control

One reason waiting becomes so distressing is that it removes your ability to act. Many people manage anxiety by doing something — researching, planning, preparing, solving.

When there’s nothing left to do, you’re left with the uncomfortable task of sitting with uncertainty.

This can lead to behaviours such as:

• Repeatedly checking emails or messages

• Seeking reassurance from others

• Mentally rehearsing conversations

• Imagining multiple scenarios

• Overanalysing every small detail

These behaviours provide temporary relief because they create a sense of movement. But they rarely reduce the underlying anxiety. In fact, they often reinforce the idea that uncertainty is dangerous.

Why Waiting Feels So Personal

Waiting also tends to amplify self-doubt.

If you’re waiting on feedback, you might question your competence. If you’re waiting for a relationship response, you might question your worth. If you’re waiting on a life decision, you might question your judgement.

Uncertainty creates space, and in that space, old fears often surface.

You may notice thoughts like:

• What if I’ve made a mistake?

• What if this proves something about me?

• What if I can’t handle the outcome?

The anxiety isn’t just about the event. It’s about what the event might mean.

Tolerating the In-Between

One of the core skills in managing anxiety is increasing your tolerance for uncertainty. That doesn’t mean enjoying it. It means learning that you can survive it without spiralling.

Instead of trying to eliminate uncertainty, the focus shifts to managing your response to it.

This can involve:

• Noticing anxious thoughts without automatically engaging with them

• Limiting reassurance-seeking behaviours

• Grounding yourself in the present moment rather than the imagined future

• Gently reminding yourself that uncertainty does not equal danger

The goal is not to force calm, but to reduce escalation.

How Counselling Supports Anxiety

In anxiety counselling, uncertainty is often explored as a central theme. Many anxiety patterns are rooted not in the event itself, but in the intolerance of not knowing.

Counselling can support you to:

• Understand your specific triggers around waiting and ambiguity

• Recognise thought patterns that intensify fear

• Develop strategies to interrupt spirals

• Build confidence in your ability to cope with different outcomes

• Strengthen emotional regulation during uncertain periods

Over time, you can learn to sit with the in-between without feeling consumed by it.

If you feel like you could benefit from counselling, contact Sami or book a session using the button below.