Stress from Other People’s Problems: How to Stop Absorbing Everything

Do you ever feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders - even when the problems aren’t yours to begin with? Maybe it’s a colleague’s work drama, a family member’s health struggles, or a friend’s ongoing relationship issues. You want to be supportive, but somewhere along the way, their stress becomes your stress. Before you know it, you’re lying awake at night, running through solutions to problems that aren’t even yours to solve.

Why Do We Absorb Other People’s Stress?

Humans are wired for connection. We pick up on others’ moods, tone of voice, and body language almost instinctively. But some of us are especially sensitive to these signals. If you’ve ever been described as an empath, a “good listener,” or the person everyone turns to for advice, chances are you’ve felt the weight of other people’s problems more intensely.

Why This Happens

A few common reasons this happens:

• Empathy Overdrive: Empathy helps us connect, but when it goes unchecked, we can lose the boundary between “your feelings” and “my feelings.”

• Fixer Mentality: Many people find purpose in solving problems. But when the issue isn’t yours, that drive to fix can drain your energy.

• Family Conditioning: If you grew up in an environment where you had to manage or anticipate other people’s emotions, it can feel natural - even automatic - to keep doing it as an adult.

• Fear of Conflict: Absorbing stress may feel like a way to keep the peace, especially in relationships where you’re afraid of rocking the boat.

The Cost of Carrying Too Much

Being supportive is one thing; carrying someone else’s emotional baggage is another. When you blur those lines, it can take a serious toll:

• Chronic Stress: Your nervous system can’t distinguish between your problems and someone else’s, meaning you may live in a near-constant state of stress.

• Exhaustion and Burnout: Supporting others feels noble, but when you’re always “on,” there’s little left in the tank for your own needs.

• Resentment: Over time, you may start to feel unappreciated, frustrated, or even trapped in relationships that feel one-sided.

• Loss of Identity: If your energy is constantly invested in others, you might lose touch with what you actually want or need.

Recognising When You’re Absorbing Too Much

Awareness is the first step. Here are some signs you might be carrying more than your share:

• You feel drained after spending time with certain people.

• You catch yourself thinking about other people’s issues long after they’ve moved on.

• You struggle to say “no” when someone asks for help, even if you’re overwhelmed.

• You feel responsible for how others react or feel.

• Your own priorities fall to the bottom of the list.

If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to rethink how you approach your role as a support person.

How to Stop Absorbing Everything

Learning to step back doesn’t mean becoming cold or uncaring - it means protecting your own mental health so you can show up for others in a healthy way.

Here are some practical strategies:

1. Practise Emotional Boundaries

Boundaries are not walls; they’re guidelines that protect your wellbeing. Remind yourself: I can care without carrying. When someone shares a problem, listen compassionately but resist the urge to internalise their feelings.

2. Notice Your Triggers

Pay attention to which situations or relationships leave you most drained. Is it a particular friend who vents but never takes action? A family member who relies on you for emotional labour? Awareness helps you set limits.

3. Limit Your Availability

It’s okay to step back. You don’t have to answer every call, text, or request immediately. Creating space gives you time to regulate your own emotions before engaging with someone else’s.

4. Reframe Your Role

Instead of being the “fixer,” aim to be a supportive listener. Sometimes people don’t need solutions - they just need to feel heard. Offering empathy without responsibility keeps you connected without becoming weighed down.

5. Ground Yourself Physically

When you feel pulled into someone else’s stress, use grounding techniques:

• Take deep, slow breaths.

• Plant your feet firmly on the floor.

• Remind yourself of your own reality in the present moment.

6. Prioritise Your Needs

Self-care isn’t selfish - it’s essential. Whether it’s exercise, meditation, journaling, or simply resting, make sure your wellbeing is at the top of your list, not an afterthought.

7. Seek Professional Support

If you find it especially difficult to set boundaries or detach from others’ problems, counselling can provide tools and strategies to help. A therapist can guide you in building healthier patterns of support, without sacrificing your own peace of mind.

When It’s Hardest to Step Back

Certain relationships make it particularly difficult to avoid absorbing stress. For example:

• Close Family Members: Parents, siblings, or partners often trigger a stronger sense of responsibility.

• Workplace Dynamics: Colleagues who constantly complain or managers who overshare can create professional stress spillover.

• Friendships with Imbalance: If you’re always the listener but never the one being listened to, the weight can become unsustainable.

In these cases, boundaries are even more crucial. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but over time, protecting your energy helps preserve the relationship rather than damaging it.

Finding Help for Stress Management

Caring deeply is a strength. But when caring turns into carrying, the load becomes too heavy. By learning to set boundaries, step back when needed, and focus on your own wellbeing, you can support others from a place of balance rather than burnout.

Remember: you are not responsible for fixing everyone else’s life. It’s enough to offer kindness, compassion, and presence - without losing yourself in the process.

If you feel like you could benefit from counselling, contact Sami or book a session using the button below.