PTSD and the Myth of ‘Getting Over It’
There’s a phrase people often use when they don’t know what else to say: “Have you tried getting over it?”. Sometimes it’s spoken gently. Sometimes it’s implied. Often, it’s internalised.
For people living with the effects of trauma, this idea — that healing means getting over it — can be deeply invalidating. It suggests there’s a finish line, a moment where the past stops mattering, and life simply resets.
But trauma doesn’t work that way. And recovery isn’t about erasing what happened.
Where the Myth Comes From
We live in a culture that values closure, resilience, and forward momentum. Stories of adversity are often framed with neat endings: struggle followed by triumph, pain followed by strength.
While these narratives can be inspiring, they don’t reflect how trauma actually affects people.
Trauma changes how the nervous system responds to the world. It alters how safety, threat, memory, and connection are experienced. These changes don’t simply disappear with time or positive thinking.
The expectation to “move on” can come from:
Discomfort around difficult emotions
A desire to see loved ones happy again
Misunderstandings about how trauma works
Social pressure to appear resilient
Unfortunately, this expectation often leaves people feeling ashamed for still struggling.
Trauma Isn’t a Memory Problem
One of the biggest misunderstandings about trauma is the belief that it’s something you can think your way out of.
Trauma isn’t just about remembering an event — it’s about how your body learned to survive it.
After trauma, the nervous system may remain alert, scanning for danger even when life feels calm. This can show up as:
Hypervigilance
Strong reactions to everyday situations
Emotional numbing or overwhelm
Difficulty feeling safe, even in supportive environments
These responses aren’t choices. They’re learned survival strategies.
You’re not “stuck in the past.” Your body is responding to the present through the lens of what it learned before.
Why “Getting Over It” Can Be Harmful
When recovery is framed as something you should be over by now, several things can happen:
You start judging yourself for your reactions
You hide symptoms to avoid being seen as weak
You push yourself into situations you’re not ready for
You feel isolated or misunderstood
You believe healing has failed if triggers still exist
This pressure often slows healing rather than supporting it.
Recovery isn’t linear. It’s not measured by the absence of all reactions — it’s measured by how you relate to them.
What Healing Actually Looks Like
Healing from trauma doesn’t mean forgetting, erasing, or pretending the past didn’t matter.
More often, healing looks like:
Understanding your triggers rather than fearing them
Feeling emotions without being overwhelmed by them
Rebuilding trust in your body’s signals
Learning how to ground yourself when old responses appear
Creating a life that isn’t organised around survival
Trauma may always be part of your story — but it doesn’t have to be the chapter you live in.
Finding Help for PTSD
Healing from trauma is not about becoming someone untouched by the past. It’s about becoming someone who can live fully in the present — with awareness, compassion, and choice.
If you’re carrying the weight of expectations to be “over it,” it may be time to redefine what recovery really means for you.
If you feel like you could benefit from counselling, contact Sami or book a session using the button below.
