The Anxiety of Being Seen as Competent When You Don’t Feel It

Being recognised for your abilities is generally seen as a positive thing. A promotion, a new responsibility, praise from colleagues, or being trusted with an important task can all be signs that others value your skills.

Yet for many people, these moments do not bring the sense of confidence that others might expect. Instead, they create a quiet anxiety.

When Other People’s Confidence Feels Unsettling

When others see you as capable, they naturally begin to rely on you more. You may be asked for advice, given larger projects, or trusted with decisions that carry greater responsibility.

For someone experiencing imposter thoughts, these signs of trust can feel unsettling rather than affirming.

You might notice thoughts such as:

• They think I know more than I actually do.

• I hope I can keep this up.

• I don’t want to disappoint anyone.

• If I make a mistake, people will realise I’m not as capable as they think.

Even though your achievements may be well-earned, the attention can create a sense of being under scrutiny.

Why Competence Can Feel Like Pressure

Being seen as competent often raises expectations. When people trust your abilities, they assume you can continue performing at the same level.

This can lead to a sense of pressure that feels difficult to maintain.

You may begin to think:

• I have to keep proving myself.

• I cannot afford to make mistakes.

• I should already know how to handle this.

In reality, competence does not mean perfection. Everyone continues learning throughout their career and personal development. However, when imposter thoughts are present, learning curves may feel like evidence that you do not belong.

The Fear of Being “Found Out”

One of the most common experiences associated with imposter syndrome is the fear of being exposed.

Even after positive feedback or visible success, you may feel as though you have simply managed to hide your uncertainty so far. The concern is that eventually someone will notice a gap in your knowledge or skills.

This fear can lead to behaviours such as:

• Overpreparing for tasks

• Avoiding situations where you might feel unsure

• Working longer hours than necessary

• Hesitating to share ideas or opinions

These responses are often attempts to reduce the possibility of making mistakes, but they can also create exhaustion and ongoing self-doubt.

Why Self-Perception Takes Time to Change

Internal beliefs about competence often develop long before a person reaches their current role or level of responsibility.

You may have learned to measure your value through achievement, comparison with others, or the avoidance of mistakes. When those beliefs are deeply ingrained, it can take time for your internal self-image to adjust to new levels of responsibility or recognition.

This is why many people continue to feel uncertain even after years of experience.

Your external circumstances may have changed, but your internal narrative may still be operating from an earlier stage in your life or career.

The Impact on Confidence and Wellbeing

When someone consistently feels anxious about being perceived as competent, it can affect both professional and personal wellbeing.

You may notice:

• Difficulty accepting compliments or recognition

• Feeling uncomfortable when others praise your work

• Comparing your performance with colleagues

• Avoiding opportunities that would place you in a visible role

• Feeling drained from the pressure to maintain high standards

Over time, this pattern can reduce the satisfaction that usually comes with growth and achievement.

How Counselling Can Help

Imposter syndrome counselling provides a space to explore the beliefs and experiences that contribute to ongoing self-doubt.

In counselling, you can:

• Reflect on the internal expectations you place on yourself

• Examine how past experiences influence your sense of competence

• Develop strategies to challenge unhelpful thinking patterns

• Learn to recognise achievements without dismissing them

• Build a more balanced and realistic view of your abilities

The goal is not to eliminate uncertainty entirely, but to reduce the anxiety that arises when you are trusted with responsibility.

If you feel like you could benefit from counselling, contact Sami or book a session using the button below.